infuse - Choosing the Right Adam or Eve

Email article to a friend. Choosing the Right Adam or Eve By Loren M. Chamberlain And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:23—24) Two of the most important decisions of a man or woman’s life occur during adolescence, whether or not to follow Christ, and secondly, whom to marry. For those who do not choose to follow Christ, the importance of a proper marriage doesn’t matter because there is no reason for them to accept the fact that God ordained marriage for a male and female, and it is a divine institution. Society is attempting to turn marriage upside down and turn it into a contract between two people regardless of sexual orientation.
The question of choosing the right one becomes particularly strong to those who choose to follow Christ and do not believe in divorce, and want to marry once for life. Even for those who are not considering marriage, when a particular someone comes along for the first time the question will certainly cross the mind: Could this be the right one? Out of all the hundreds of people of the opposite sex whom a young adult may meet, how can he/she know the right one? Shivers up and down the spine perhaps, or some sixth sense maybe, or as some have experienced, “you will just know.”
Looking around at the divorces and unhappy marriages that exist it is easy for a person to wonder whether he can really expect any better. Mismatched couples are everywhere. No one wants to make the same wrong choices. If you feel this way, your thoughts and concerns about marriage are certainly viable. Research tells us that while 90 percent of church teens believe God intended marriage to last a lifetime, less than half (48 percent) say they would desire a marriage like that of their parents. Another 43 percent believe it is very difficult to have a successful marriage in today’s society. How do you choose the right Adam or Eve and not end up being just another divorce statistic? How do you overcome your fear of making a mistake and ultimately find true, lasting love in marriage? Not Being the Right Person If you are looking for the “right Adam or Eve,” chances are others are doing the same. Therefore, it becomes very important for you to become a right Adam or Eve. There is no sense in praying for the right person to come along and not give attention to being a right person yourself. The young person who is not surrendered to God, who is not obeying the parts of God’s will that have been revealed to them is not preparing to be the kind of person who could lovingly and selflessly care for the right Adam or Eve. The proper attitude young people should have for marriage is not to be looking primarily to have their own needs met, but rather to meet the needs of their spouse. These needs may center on self-esteem, sex, emotions, finances, or other needs. It is best to think in terms of what you can give in a marriage instead of what you can get. Looking For the Wrong Person Often the wrong picture of the “right one” will be painted in a person’s mind. The list might start with stunning physical beauty, handsomeness, self-confident charm, and impeccable manners, and may also include spiritual and social characteristics. It is often forgotten that it usually takes a lifetime for an individual to develop all those virtues! Be careful not to create an image of Mr. Adam and Miss Eve that is so idealized or romantic that it can blind them to the possibilities all around them. This is not to say that you should not look for certain qualities in a potential mate, but just be sure such qualifications reflect realistic and godly goals. The Biblical Perspective Success in marriage does not consist so much in marrying the right person to make you happy, as it is in avoiding those who could make you miserable. It is certainly within the realm of possibility God has a mate selected for everyone. Psalm 139 tells us in verse 16 that he knew us when we were but embryos. Job said, “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2). Obviously then, it is very important to prepare for marriage, and at the same time to pray to God to send the right mate. It might just be the mate God sends is for the purpose of helping to develop all those wonderful qualities we are so quick to look for in others, but fail to develop for ourselves. While God can do all things it is equally true God gives us the freedom to make wise choices within prescribed moral limits. We must not ignore God’s sovereignty or our responsibility. If we believe God can provide a mate for us, we can show our faith by being obedient to His word. “Without faith it is impossible to please Him” (Hebrews 11:6). Once you have sincerely sought God’s guidance regarding the choice of a mate, how do you know if the right decision has been made? Usually God does not solve our problems the way we want them solved. How can you know for sure who the right mate for you is? You know for sure on the day you stand before an Elder of God’s church, and say “I do.” Until that day you probably won’t know for sure. After that day the issue is settled. Suddenly, your choice has become God’s choice! Some Important Questions These questions are but a few of the Biblical requirements for a Christian hoping to embark on a godly route toward marriage. Do you help each other grow closer to God? Can you talk? Can you play together? Can you work together? Do you have mutual friends? Are you pleased with each other? Are you intellectually on the same level? Do you have common interests? Do you share the same values? Do you feel comfortable about how you make decisions together? Do you help each other emotionally? Do you have absolute trust in each other? Are you more creative and energetic because of each other? Can you accept and appreciate each other’s family? Do you have unresolved relationships in your past? Is sex under control? Have you spent time together? This does not mean being alone together making out. It means quality time spent together getting to know one another better intellectually. Have you fought and forgiven? Have you talked about each area of your future life? Have you had counseling? Marriage requires the wholeheartedness of each spouse. Anything less will bring failure to any union. Love for one another is primary. The Biblical perspective of “Love” is this: True love is evident when the happiness, health, and spiritual growth of another person are as important to you as your own. Now, go out there and find your own Adam or Eve!