infuse - The 3 Essential Keys to Success in Marriage

Email article to a friend. The 3 Essential Keys to Success in Marriage By Loren M. Chamberlain "How beautiful is the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice . . . Nothing divides them, either in flesh or spirit. They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God’s Church and partake of Gods Banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts. They visit the sick and assist the needy. Psalms and hymns they sing to one another, striving to see which of them will chant more beautifully the praises of their Lord. Hearing and seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace." So wrote Tertullian, the second-century church father. How fortunate and blessed you are if you share and enjoy such a healthy relationship in your marriage. Certainly, it is far beyond the price of a treasure chest full of rubies. Alas, it is sad to say very few experience this level of existence in marriage in today’s world. Satan’s attack on marriage and the family is unprecedented in history. Strong marriages produce strong families, and the family unit is the backbone of the Church, and essentially of the whole nation and world. Destroy the institution of marriage that was created in the beginning by God and you morally bankrupt the world. We already see more young people leaving home sooner and not entering into traditional marriages, but into contemporary alternatives. The illegitimacy of options such as multiple marriages, contract marriages, open marriages, trial marriages, and cohabitation establishes the urgent need for strengthening the good marriages we do have in the Church today. We can best do this by emphasizing the roles of husbands and wives in the marriage relationship given by Jesus Christ. What is the Purpose of Marriage? God’s Church believes and strongly teaches that marriage is of divine origin and is a sacred institution in itself. Marriage and the family picture the family relationship of God. God reveals Himself as a family composed of two persons, Father and Son, known as the Godhead, which is now in the process of reproducing itself through mankind by the addition of sons and daughters. In like manner, mankind physically demonstrates this God-plane relationship through marriage. Man can, like God, build a family and add to it while experiencing the joys and happiness that family life involves. Paul refers to this analogy between marriage and the family and God’s purpose and plan of reproducing Himself through Christ and the Church as “a great mystery” (Ephesians 5:32) because it reveals the very purpose for which God created mankind. True happiness and personal fulfillment for both sexes can result from a proper understanding and application of God’s instructions concerning the roles of men and women. All people, regardless of race, nationality, social status or sex, have the same ultimate goal and are spiritually equal before God. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28). God’s purpose of reproducing Himself in mankind clearly applies to both male and female because all will be “sons and daughters” of God. “And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty” (II Corinthians. 6:18). For the purpose of this writing we will assume that a total commitment to “that way” (Acts 24:14,22) of Jesus Christ has been made. Without a complete commitment to Jesus Christ, attempting to apply His value system to marriages not founded upon the scriptures would be an exercise in futility. While there are some fine marriages outside the church, they are missing much without a total commitment to Christ. For those who know Christ and are known of Him, particularly those within the family structure, there is a way to experience the unity and harmony God so much wants for the family. Within the diversity of individuals in the family, it is possible for each member to contribute to and enjoy the unity of the whole. The major responsibility for the welfare of the family falls upon first the husband and then the wife. While most marriages in the church should be quite sound, a further understanding of the essential keys to the “way of Christ” as applied in marriage, will further enhance the harmony of the Godly Family. KEY 1: Correct Role Relationships The first essential key is that of correct role relationships. The marriages in today’s world are in constant turmoil because of the constantly changing roles of husband and wife. If anything, this should teach us that to have stable families we must have a correct understanding and modeling of Biblical roles. God in the beginning ordained specific roles for marriage partners that, if performed with love and concern, will upbuild and strengthen marriage. Therefore, we must get back to the absolute truth found only in God’s word, the Bible, if we are to know and understand God’s way for the marriage institution. Let’s return to the beginning and examine some of the basic scriptures describing family roles and functions. We first learn from Genesis 2:18-25 that the husband is to be the head of the family and the wife is to be his helper. This is not to say that the male is superior to the female, but is simply explaining the role and function of each in the family unit. In Genesis 1:26-28 both the male and female were made in the image of God. This is proof that both the man and woman are equal as persons before the Lord. One is not superior to the other. However, in Genesis 2:18-25 we are told that the man was created before the woman, and because of this fact, and the fact that he names her, designating her as the “woman” (2:23) he has positional authority in the creation order. God specifically refers to the woman’s role position in marriage as “a helper suitable for him.” The Hebrew term for helper is used of God Himself in Psalm 54:4. Therefore, it cannot be understood in any way as being of lesser value. In Genesis 2, the word suitable has the meaning of “one corresponding to another.” The woman was God’s gift to the man for the fulfillment of marriage. If the husband abuses or misuses this marvelous gift from God, he will ultimately have to answer to God for his actions, not to the gift. It was by God’s design that husband and wife have different responsibilities and roles within marriage. The difference between responsibilities and roles must be understood.
Headship, is the role or “Job title” of the husband. Ephesians 5:23 states, “For the husband is the head of the wife.” This is the husband’s position, not his function. It tells what his role is, but not his daily responsibilities. In Ephesians 5:25, the responsibilities of the headship are delineated. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Therefore, the function of headship is sacrificial giving, and providing for the needs of his wife and family. It also involves the loving leadership of his family.
Concerning the wife, Ephesians 5:21-33 makes it clear that she is to be a woman set apart from all others so far as her husband is concerned. She is to have a unique place in his life. Genesis 1-2 defines the Biblical role of the wife as that of “helper.” This too is a job title, not a role function. The role function of the wife is found in Ephesians 5:22, which states “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” The word “submit” means to respond, to uphold your husband and to honor him. It is another way of saying to love him. It means showing concern for him, responding to his needs and encouraging him to face life’s challenges and be a success. You as a wife should want to do these things because your husband loves you, strengthens you, complements you, and gives you all he has to offer—his time, energy, thoughts, spiritual help and encouragement—his life. It is quite apparent that for the benefit and success of the marriage and the family, husband and wife must surrender themselves one hundred percent to one another and be totally committed to “the way” of Jesus Christ. KEY 2: Loving One Another The second essential key to success in marriage is loving one another. God is love (I John 4:8) and it is Christ who gave Himself for the Church His bride to be. The Apostle Paul said, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.” We are in the engagement period with Christ, therefore if we want to be His bride we must learn to love as God loves. God loves selflessly, and so must husbands and wives love one another selflessly. God demonstrated His great love for us by giving His son for us. Therefore husbands and wives should copy God’s example and love one another selflessly, giving their lives to one another, which is their time and undivided attention. “I know my wife loves me. She is always sacrificing her own time and needs to supply my needs before her own. She has set her mind to making me happy. I hope my love for her is just as obvious,” said one husband. A similar comment was made by his wife. “He demonstrates his love for me in so many ways it makes me want to put him first at all times. I know I am the most important thing in his life.” When someone demonstrates love for you, it is easy to love them back. No one has more love for us than Jesus Christ. “We love Him because He first loved us” (I John 4:19). The ability to love another human being with a lasting love comes from God’s Spirit. “And hope maketh not ashamed, because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us” (Romans 5:5). When we walk in fellowship with our Father, the great God, He gives us a love with which we can love even our enemies. How much more, then should we love our friends, and most important, our own wives or husbands and our children? Our marriage with Christ will only be successful if we love him as He loves us. Husbands and wives must love one another paying careful attention to each other’s needs and doing their best to fulfill them. Love is not a mechanical act performed several times a week. Love is constant, outgoing concern, affection, sharing and empathy. Marriage partners must become one flesh and cleave to one another mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. If marriage partners do this faithfully, they will experience a true and lasting real love. Besides learning to love one another faithfully, husbands and wives will want to help each other prepare to be the bride of Christ. Revelation 19:8 describes Christ’s Bride as being clothed in righteousness. Christ gives us His righteousness through His Holy Spirit as we submit to Him and learn to live life as revealed in the Bible. Righteousness is simply doing what is right. It is keeping God’s commandments (Psalm 119:172). A bride on her wedding day usually spends several hours preparing before the ceremony and a few final touches are made just before she is escorted down the aisle. Likewise, the Bride of Christ must be preparing herself to be beautiful spiritually, through righteousness. A husband and wife can perform an invaluable service for one another by lovingly helping each other prepare for their saviour Jesus Christ. If children are a part of the family this sets a marvelous example for them, and nothing assures the success of the whole family more than a Christ filled home. Christ wants a bride “not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that [she] should be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27). KEY 3: Best Friends The third essential key to a successful marriage is friendship. Ideally and Biblically husband and wife should be best friends. Many men and women with happy marriages count their mates as their best friends. Most believe that it was this best friends’ status that contributed to the success of their marriage.
	Best friends usually find many common interests. It is these common interests that draw people together which is most important for a marriage. Best friends do everything together, sharing thoughts and activities. Genesis 2:24 indicates a man and wife become “one flesh.” This refers to much more than physical unity alone. We must remember this also involves being one spiritually and emotionally. Ephesians 5:21-33 commands husbands to love (agape) their wives. Agape is the Greek word for self-sacrificing love, and inclusive in this term is the idea of devoted unconditional friendship.
Husbands and wives, are you Best friends? When the going gets tough, do you go to your spouse, your best friend to look for understanding and encouragement. Are you comfortable with the love and companionship you find with your mate? Are you continually working at building the “friendship” level within your marriage? Do you work, play and pray together? Do you guard each other’s character and reputation jealously when you are with others? Jesus Christ has given us the opportunity to be His friend. “Henceforth I call you not servants, for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth. But I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you” (John 15:15). If a married couple makes the effort, they can as Abraham did, enjoy the awesome privilege of becoming the friends of God. “And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness. And he was called the Friend of God” (James 2:23). Couples use the engagement period to get to know each other and to prepare for being married. Even though Christ has been working with us through the power of His Holy Spirit since the Father called, there are still things He wants to know about us. Communication is vital. Listening is an important part of communication also. Christ will always listen. We can pray at anytime, and know our prayers are heard. We should talk often with God, with husband or wife, children, and friends, listening to what they have to say. Christ needs to know certain things about His Bride to be. Will we be committed and faithful to Him? Will we respect Him, communicate with Him, and be merciful and forgiving? And will we under the new covenant share and express God’s own love with Him for eternity? The power of God is on our side. That power will help husbands and wives grow in love and friendship. Preparing to be the Bride of Christ is a serious matter. We should always remember that since Adam and Eve there have been no perfect marriages. Every marriage runs into difficulties from time to time. All marriages have problems, tensions, and conflicts. We see this frequently in the Scriptures as well as in our own lives. There always comes that time in a marriage when one or the other partner asks to be forgiven for some reason or other. Surely the most forgiving being in existence is God. Jesus Christ gave his life for the sins of the world. We are instructed to follow Christ’s example of forgiveness. “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against any other. Even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Colossians 3:13). God has given us many essential ingredients for a successful marriage. We have discussed only three. If we use these three diligently, with a converted heart, we will be able to build a successful marriage that will last throughout life.