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Enhancing Healthy Anger
By Loren M. Chamberlain
From time to time most people feel indignation, resentment, exasperation and allow these feelings to develop into outright hostility. We call it in the vernacular, “blowing your stack,” “being totally ticked,” or “letting off steam.”
Anger, It's a Fact
Just what do we mean when we speak of anger? While we use words like fury, rage, and wrath to describe our emotions, anger is really just a strong feeling of annoyance or vexation. Actually, we probably experience anger more frequently than we would like to reveal. When we become annoyed, irritated, or cross, we are probably experiencing some form of anger. There have been studies revealing that most people experience the emotion of anger numerous times a day.
It is interesting to note that our human body can be drained emotionally and physically of energy when we suffer depression, anxiety, grief, or fear. This is not so with anger. Anger seems to release energy into the nervous system and prepares one for action. Therefore, a choice can be made to either use this burst of energy constructively or destructively.
Anger, Destructive or Constructive
It is not good for us to allow anger to control our actions. It can be very destructive. Destructive anger is unhealthy and leads to feelings and a desire for revenge, easily distorting clear thinking. With a distorted perception anger energy can then be used in destructive ways such as verbal or physical abuse and violence. Cain had a problem with anger. It wasn’t that he got angry, and in fact, God did not warn him because he got angry. God warned him because he stayed angry!
God was pleased with Abel’s offering and displeased with Cain’s offering. Cain’s original anger was a correct response, but it was directed at the wrong person. Cain’s anger should have been aimed at himself. Instead his anger became a deadly weapon. God intervened and corrected Cain’s misplaced anger and even gave him another opportunity. “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it” (Genesis 4:7). Cain, instead of using anger’s energy in a constructive manner by obeying God and doing what is right, chose to vent the energy of his anger upon Able and murdered him.
Management Plan for Anger
The apostle Paul reveals what we must do to control the energy of anger. “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:25-27). Constructive anger allows us to invest our emotional energy in confronting evil, righting wrongs, and changing things for the good.
If we are to confront and control unhealthy anger, we must decide on a plan of attack in advance. If we let unhealthy anger run amuck and without any control it will block our ability to think clearly and be objective. Therefore, if we take the time to think and pray through the following issues we will be prepared to make an objective, reasoned investment of our anger energy, so we can respond with healthy anger.
1. Be Aware of Anger
One of the first myths that must be discarded is that a person with an anger problem reveals it through his or her appearance and actions. Yet, I am sure all would agree that there are times when a battle is raging within while we at the same time display a very calm demeanor. What is very important is that we learn to identify what makes us vulnerable to anger, and how our bodies respond to anger, and what physical manifestations of anger we may adopt when enraged. “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” Once we learn to identify what makes us vulnerable to anger and how our physical bodies respond to it we will then be able to control our inner and outer emotions.
2. Be Accountable for Your Anger
When God confronted Eve in the garden she was quick to blame the serpent for her actions. Then when God confronted Adam, he quickly blamed Eve and then added to the story making it God’s fault. When people are angry it is so easy and almost natural for an angry person to say, “So and so made me angry.” But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” Other people may speak or act to cause hurt or frustration as Satan did, but blaming a personal reaction on someone else is not accurate. People don’t lose their ability to tell the truth or lose their temper. They “choose” their own way.
3. Identify the Source of Anger
Think about it. Anger is a secondary emotion that is experienced in response to a primary emotion such as hurt, frustration, or fear. When we get hurt we feel vulnerable to more hurt. Frustration occurs when we do not live up to expectations or we can’t meet our personal goals. Usually, anger is a defensive weapon against being hurt. When we analyze it, the things that frustrate us most have one common characteristic, and that is they are not very important. Understanding this will help us identify such situations and will prepare us for handling similar encounters in the future.
4. We Must Choose a Method to
Invest our Anger Energy
Anger pops up in our life in unexpected ways. We can’t control when we will experience anger, but we can select the way we will express it. With the help of Jesus, we can search and find creative and constructive ways to deal with anger.
We can allow anger to rule over us, or we can choose a method to harness anger’s energy and channel it into healthy and quality responses. For anger to have real quality it must possess open, honest, and direct communication. We must speak the truth in love. “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15). Quality anger also involves declaring truth and righting wrongs. Quality anger involves being open and ready to accept an apology or explanation and always seeks to work toward an agreement.
We must not let the experience and expression of how we respond to anger become a bad habit. Habits are difficult and take time to change. The encouraging news is that with God’s help we can change and grow. “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18).
With the help of the Holy Spirit within us and by applying the promises found in God’s Word, we can replace the old, unhealthy ways of responding to anger with new, healthy, and God honoring emotional responses. When we approach anger from a biblical perspective, we will find a very powerful source of personal motivation. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). i
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